How I convinced myself I’m not a fraud (again)
I know that many of you have been marketing a lot this month, so don’t forget to post your points for the Winter Marketing Challenge. Someone is going to win a $50 gift card from Amazon and it might as well be you! Post by Friday, Feb 9th (this Friday) at 9 pm EST.
January always seems to give me a sucker punch. And this year was no exception.
I ended last year on a high note with my highest earning year by far. I was braced for a slow January, but it didn’t come. The first two weeks of January were fantastic, with the second actually being my single highest earning week as a freelancer. Then guess what happened the third week? Nothing. I only had work from my one anchor client. I had several projects that were in various states of approval, starting or being delayed, but nothing else concrete.
I’ve always liked the quote that you can’t compare your behind-the-scenes view to someone else’s highlight reel. And so often that’s only what we see – the good things that people want to share. But no freelance career – no matter how successful – consists only of big paychecks, big clients and dancing in celebration in your kitchen. So, as hard as it is to share my own insecurities and lulls in my business, I try to do that as much as possible on my blog.
The first slow week was fine. I went to lunch with friends. I worked on my book. I organized a few closets. I worked on my one project. But no other work came in and I started to panic. But then asked myself what I would say to a freelance friend in my situation. So I contacted all my current and past clients to let them know I just finished a big project and had some availability. I got back lots of nice notes – we should have something soon, be in touch as soon as we have a project, can’t wait to work with you again. But no real work.
Then the sucker punch came
Hard and fast. I got taken off a client project because my writing wasn’t a fit.
No matter how many years you’ve been freelancing, no matter how many notes you’ve gotten from clients about how much they love your work and no matter how many clients consider you their go-to freelancer, it really really really rocks you when you get fired from a project.
I went into full blown panic – which reading this now seems a big dramatic since my lull was less than 2 weeks. But at the time, it seemed like a million years plus a day. Thankfully my freelance friends – huge shout out to Wendy, Stephanie and Liz – patiently attempted to talk me off the ledge.
Nighttime brought a very sleepless night where I had dreams that basically were me stuck in a Dante’s Circle of Hell where I endless wrote draft that completely sucked for the rest of my life. And then at 3 a.m. I came to what seemed like the very rationale conclusion that I was a complete fraud and my career was over.
My biggest advice is to never make career decisions at 3 a.m. and luckily, I fell back asleep before I took my website offline and followed through on any other drastic actions that I was considering. I’m slightly exaggerating my conclusions, for dramatic effect, but not by very much.
Daylight brought a heck of a lot more rationality and I managed (after large quantities of Diet Mountain Dew) to ask myself what I could learn from getting fired from the project. And the answer was that the team working on the project wasn’t a good match for me – my personality and my strengths – from the beginning. There was nothing wrong with the team. And there is nothing wrong with me. It just wasn’t my perfect client. And that’s perfectly okay.
A Day of Blitz Marketing
Even though I was only nearing the end of the second week of my lull, I decided to move into action mode. I’ve always felt that I waited too long during my slowdown in January 2016, which contributed to my lull lasting close to five weeks. So after one more day wallowing in pity for myself, I sat down on Thursday and did exactly what I would tell my friends. I started marketing strategically.
So of course I did exactly what I tell people NOT to do and headed straight for the job ads. I’ve been telling people for years that this is the least likely way to land a gig, not mention a high paying gig. But the appeal is strong – it seems more certain and deceptively easier. While it’s easier to apply than seeking your own opportunities, it’s definitely not easier to stand out and actually land the gig because these ads usually get hundreds and hundreds of applicants. And most of these jobs end up being pretty low paying as well. I am embarrassed to admit I wasted three hours trolling job boards and applying to a few before remembering my own advice.
Then out of the blue, a friend sent me a link to a VP of agency specializing in tech whom she thought would be a great client for me. I can’t tell you how much that simple gesture made me feel more positive and a heck of a lot less alone. And I remembered that I needed to get off the job ads and start approaching agencies and businesses likely to hire me.
So I got to work and then I:
• Spent a few minutes updating my LOI, added a few new clips to my website and made sure my LinkedIn profile reflected all of my brands and niches.
• Emailed several freelance friends that I was looking for work.
• Sent an email to an agency based on a job lead shared by a fellow freelancer on a freelancer forum
• Sent LOIs to 10 agencies
• Searched LinkedIn for potential new clients and started a list of agencies specializing in tech
• Contacted the agency director my friend passed on – and immediately heard back. My gut is that I will get some work from him in the future.
My Really Good Afternoon
About this time, I took a late lunch break and when I came back to my computer I had emails from previous clients offering me a total of $1500 in work that would probably only take me a few hours.
I felt better.
Then after I came back picking my daughter up from school, I got an email from a potential client that I thought I had scared off with my rates asking if we could talk first thing next week. I also received an email about a whitepaper project for a company worth $2500 that had been previously delayed, saying it was kicking off the next week.
I felt even better.
Then one of the content marketing directors whose profiles I had viewed earlier in the day sent me a LinkedIn Connection request. He had done the reverse of my trick of following on potential clients using the ‘Who Viewed My Profile’ feature, which I have used myself to find new clients. So I sent him a quick InMail asking if he used freelancers, a very short LOI (basically a sentence about the topics I wrote about and another listing my clients). Within just a few minutes, he replied and we made an appointment to talk on the phone on Monday.
I was calm.
Then my phone rang. It was the agency I had learned about from my writer’s group, and they offered me the gig. Even better, I realized that the agency director was someone I had heard speak several times and I regularly read his blog. On top of that, the new project could lead to more work and sounded super fun. Oh, it didn’t hurt that the project was for ginormous company.
I felt happy.
And astonished how in a few hours things had turned around.
Yes, it would take longer for someone will less well-known brands and a smaller freelance network to turn it around. But not dramatically longer. The main reason was that I immediately started taking the right steps – contacting clients, looking for new prospects and turning to my freelancing network. I didn’t wait. I didn’t hope things would magically fall out of the sky for more than a few days.
So, this week, I am swamped. Like, at least 10 deadlines swamped. And I am grateful.
How was your January? What do you do when you start seeing a slowdown?
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I always love reading your freelance ups and downs, Jennifer! I love your honesty and I think we can all relate. I know I can!
My January (and December) were pretty quiet, on purpose. I’ve totally been there with feeling like I’m twiddling my thumbs, just waiting to hear back from potential clients…wondering if I’m just fooling myself, and I’m not really good at this writing stuff at all…but lately, I’m in a different season. With a 14-month-old underfoot, I can’t get much freelance work done. During the first year of his life, I really tried HARD—too hard—to make it work, and ended up with severe anxiety. This year, I’m taking a different approach: saying “no” to a lot of offers. And that hurts, because I’ve worked so hard to get to the place where clients are approaching me—good clients, too!—and then I have to say “no”?! But retaining my sanity is worth it. And I’m still able to retain my favorite legacy clients and take on a few fun projects from time to time. One day, I’ll be able to put more of my energy into this again, but for now, it’s on the back burner, and I’m (mostly) okay with that (after months of struggling with it, I admit!). It’s all good.
As to your sleepless night with the weird dreams and fears of failure, I’ve felt that about freelancing, but I’ve also felt it about motherhood! I think we all battle those internal monsters, whether we admit it or not.
Freelancing is REALLY hard with little ones. Do you have daycare or are you just trying to do it around her schedule? I honestly couldn’t do it without daycare which wasn’t an option for health reasons with my son. I ended up waiting to really freelance much until they went to school. And even then my income has risen as my kids have gotten older and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
Thanks as always for sharing, Jennifer. My late January slowed for similar reasons: projects at the yellow-light phase/will start soon/etc. However, for once the pause came at a welcome time: We are remodeling at home and I would have had to clear my schedule for 2-4 days anyway while workers made a din in my home office. I have source interviews for a new client today and a major project starting Friday, so I am back on track.
That’s interesting you saw the same thing. And that yours started picking up very recently at well. When I was in Austin this weekend, several freelancers told me that their January was a bit weird in terms of pace and ups/downs.
Thank you for sharing such a common freelancer experience so transparently, Jennifer. All I can say is, me too! I see the same ups and downs happen in just this sort of way. I’m sure you’ve made a lot of writers feel a whole lot better with this post.
Awww. Thank you. I wrote this so that hopefully other freelancers would know how normal it is. Because it feels anything less than normal when it happens to you.
Wow! Congratulations and thanks for the kick-in-the-butt inspiration!
I’m so glad you found it inspiring. I had a few moments of panic after I posted it. It’s hard to share! So it’s so wonderful to see such positive responses.
Always appreciate when an established freelancer such as yourself shares their ups and downs. I recently heard back from a client that my content was “unusable.” That one hit hard. I can handle tough edits, but just a blanket statement like that, as if there was nothing I could do to improve what I wrote, was a punch in the gut. It temporarily gave me the “I’m a fraud” complex as well, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone in having those thoughts and experiences.
That would have punched me in the gut. Usually when a client gives a writer feedback like that it has less to do with the actual quality of the writing and more that the tone wasn’t write on the article.
You are totally not alone. Every freelancer has I’m a fraud days and lulls. And everyone gets fired and told their writing stinks. And if someone tells you that it doesn’t happen to them, then they have likely only been freelancing for 11 minutes or are lying.
Nice post. 🙂
I figured you would like it. :>) I just added your name to the group of wonderful friends who talked me off the ledge in the post. I just realized I forgot to include you!! I appreciate your support last week.
Any time. We were pulling each other off that ledge.
Really great to hear that you’ve got lots of work on now, well done you for doing all the right things. It’s quiet here, but I’m trying not to panic, and putting together a new website focused on a niche now, rather than offering general writing. As soon as I’ve done that I’ll be pitching, pitching, pitching. I’m glad that I’ve got a direction now. I’m quite new to freelancing and it’s taken me a while to find a niche. I need to build up a portfolio, but I’m a little more confident now that I have an area to focus on.
That’s awesome you are working on a new website. What is your niche? If you need help brainstorming ideas of who to pitch in your niche, let me know. I’m happy to hop on the phone with you.
Thank you Jennifer, that’s very kind. It’s legal content marketing. I have a law degree and I’ve worked for a couple of law firms in the past, so it made sense to me to aim for an area where I have at least a little experience. I don’t have much in the way of a portfolio at the moment, so once I’ve made a start on the website I think I need to get some sample pieces together.
Thanks for this Jennifer. I’m freaking out right now about slow times, and in addition, just this minute got an email that my pitches for a huge agency hadn’t “hit the mark” and the email was very condoning. I shouldn’t even have pitched. Ever. Never pitch I say in response to a blind “asking for pitches” but this call for pitches was written in a particularly convoluted way. I should have ignored it. I also found out my web site hosting company had overcharged me by $350….last year. And I hadn’t noticed. Just piling stuff on. Need to pull out of it but, as usual, don’t feel it will happen. Will see in a few weeks. Hope I’m wrong. Thank you so much for your “real life” experiences. Very appreciated over here.
Jean, It’s tough when you feel like you are in lull like that. I hope things turn around quickly. Try not to take the pitch rejection personally, it sounds like it just wasn’t a match.
Are you actively sending out LOI’s and contacting past clients? If you need help with ideas and where to focus, send me an email and I’m happy to talk on the phone with you.
Thank you for sharing your story, even the parts you’d rather not think about again. It helps to see the human side of being a freelancer, because what as you mentioned, we mostly see everyone else’s glory days.
I don’t subscribe to many blogs, but I always get something great out of yours. Thank you for posting thoughtful content…you make it look easy (in a good way ).
Thank you for your kind words. I totally agree about only seeing people’s glory days. I am so glad that you find my blog helpful. You made my day!
Thank you! It’s not 12:30 am and I have been riding that Isuckatthis cycle all day! Fortunately a fellow writer friend referred me to your blog. I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone on this insane journey nor am I’m alone in the horrible habit of heading right back to the job boards. Thanks for giving me a nice wallop of reality 🙂 I got this ❤️
I am so glad that it helped. You are definitely not alone! You definitely have got this!
[…] year started off with a crap ton of work. But then about the third week of January, I got surprisingly slow. So I decided to do a little bit of marketing. In addition to contacting current and past clients, […]